Be an example of what is possible.
“We always have to believe in what is possible in life and not be hindered by history or expectations”
I think Henry Ford once said, 'If I'd ask customers what they wanted, they would've told me a faster horse.’ Sometimes we have to push ourselves and our imaginations to create lives that are better than we could have ever imagined.
Today’s post isn’t about a famous inventor, amazing football coach, motivational guru or spiritual teacher but quite simply my eldest daughter – Phoebe.
I have never been afraid to admit that motherhood wasn’t the easiest route for me to have taken, staunchly independent, a lover of travel and all things involving fun and freedom. My pregnancy was complicated with early scans revealing that there was some abnormal brain activity and with all the will in the world and desperate to meet my child. She arrived six weeks early, I was unprepared physically and mentally for the roller coaster ride, that was to be parenthood.
The years that followed included a marriage breakdown, mental illness and a child that hadn’t read the booklet on what milestones she should have reached. Every developmental appointment left me in tears. At two she was unable to walk, say any words and showed little signs of being like any of her peers. I spent those early years being in a constant state of worry and despair. I had given up any kind of comparisons, felt unable to fit in anywhere ‘mother baby’ related as my child was ‘ different ‘. Deaf with a ptosis in one eye and unable to grasp simple concepts, raising my daughter on my own with my family 200 miles away wasn’t always easy. They had ruled out down syndrome, but could offer me no long-term prognosis.
Phoebe went through her schooling with a certain level of difficulty, but always one to entertain and say highly inappropriate things. Everyone in the area knew her, or knew of her. She left mainstream education at 9, to join a small class in a local school, where her needs were then met. Her later education until her late teens, was in fantastic special needs school, where she flourished and really started to find her way.
Work experience options were presented to her and she found her hard work ethic and her voice. This time an appropriate one, unlike when she was in Primary school and would just shout “Blackburn” in a whole school setting when she wanted her teacher’s attention. She didn’t understand that you had to firstly put your hand up, and secondly use the correct title like Miss or Mrs. Mrs Blackburn took it very well, much to the amusement of the staff, that would then continue to address her that way for the rest of that academic year.
At 19, a lover of all things with an engine, an aeroplane obsession and a love of cars, she started to talk about wanting to drive. I went along with the idea thinking that she may not get past the written test, having taken no formal exams. Fifth time lucky she passed her theory, meanwhile starting her driving lessons.
Someone had once said to me “ Why are you bothering to give her lessons and go through all these theory tests, with little/ no chance she will succeed” ( they were very well meaning, but felt I was setting her up for failure). I explained if she wants it enough, she will find a way! We did a lot of mindset work and visualisations the weeks leading up her test. We discussed the emotions and feelings of excitement. In a visualisation, I got her to heighten her emotions, getting her to imagine showing me the test paper, with the words ‘Passed” on them, and how we would all jump up and down. We even went into detail, about how she was to get, the kindest and best driving instructor. By the time she left for her test, although nervous, there was an inner calm.
One month ago today, she left the house, not knowing what the outcome would be and walked back in, an hour later, with a piece of paper in her hand and tears in her eyes. She passed her test on the FIRST GO! I think there is still a big part of me and her, that is still in shock, and to all those that celebrated her success on this occasion, I am SO grateful.
As I sit and type this, out of the corner of my eye, I can see her own little car with a “P” plate on the driveway standing out so boldly. To anyone that has challenges to face and thinks that they cannot do something, I would like to remind you of my special needs daughter who wanted it so badly, she did it!
“If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise.”
Please don’t compromise and give up on a possibility, it could be the best thing that you ever did.
With love and gratitude,
Siân
